So true. I have stories I started nearly twenty years ago I still want to pick up again and finish. I’d write them very differently now of course, seeing I have a little bit of insight into internal conflict now that I didn’t have then!

My favorite one, started I think in about 1996, had the most convoluted plot imaginable. The Black Moment involved a car crash, amnesia, and an opportunistic ex-girlfriend of the hero pretending to be his fiancee! I still like those characters and their situation though.It will get rewritten someday.

I guess the fear of failure never goes away, for even the most multi-pubbed author. I’m hoping though that I eventually get to the point where having some evidence of past writing success helps, at least a bit!

The morning pages are good for letting them have their say, then that’s it. They’ve had their turn, now they have to go back in the box.

They are trying to help me, but the advice they give truly is crappy!

Fingers crossed I get to that “magic” part.

Robyn

You are so right! How I wish I’d gone for it when I was younger. Regretting the choices I made along the way and beating myself up for them won’t help, but wishing I’d taken more risks then, when I was single and didn’t have anyone depending one me, is a part of what is powering my determination now.

I’m sorry your mother was negative and damaging, but your Dad sounds like a star! I was lucky to have a couple of supportive teachers, but they weren’t enough to counteract the unhelpful messages I was getting at home.

I’m so glad to see you’ve started your own blog now too! Good luck with your own writing. I think your wisdom and feeling will shine out of it! There’s a learning curve, but you’ll do well.

Like you say, there will be tears along the way for sure, but I’d much rather have tears from following my dream being tough than tears of regret that I never tried.

The fear of someone turning around to you and saying “Your work is just awful, give up.” is enough to stop me from doing something that i’ve always wanted to do. Much like yourself. But im getting to a point in this world where im thinking, if i don’t take a risk, and hit my fears head on, im very likely to miss an opportunity that could be life changing. And unfortunately, i think that’s the exact same thing for you.

Everyone starts somewhere, you no doubt have alot more years of writing experience than i do. And i think your terribly courageous to go out and say “I’m setting aside this amount of time to do what i really love doing, to do the thing that will make “me” happy.”. Of course, i might know absolutely nothing about the writing industry, but like you i know what i love. And i have insecurities which im sure any writer does. But i think you’d have more to worry about if you didn’t have those insecurities over your writing and the journey ahead of you. You know why? Because if you didn’t recognize that you could always have something to improve on, or something that would push you forward in order to better yourself and prove everyone around you wrong while following your dream. I think you wouldn’t appreciate meeting your goals half as much.
So in the long run, those insecurities, and those nagging thoughts, are well worth the pain.

Then there of course is the realism side of things, you say you feel guilty for perhaps taking the risk on pursuing your dream and dragging everyone along with you. I’ll be honest with you, i have sort of a morbid approach to things. My opinion is, if it is true that we only live life once, I’d want to live my life knowing that i done everything i could to follow my dreams. Including taking the risks that scare me the most.
I am incredibly lucky, i have an incredibly supportive father. I stopped seeing my mother when i was 14 for personal reason and i left school with no qualifications. I labelled a lung as a liver in my final piece of work. And i couldn’t write, at all, grammar… Was non existent. I have only got where i am with my writing because my father pushed me not to give up on something i loved. Despite the amount of times my mother told me i’d never amount to anything. I feel like i have already, and im not prepared to give up just yet.

I think that you should follow your dream, despite those nagging feelings. I don’t think it’s going to be easy, and im pretty sure along the way it’s going to cause alot of tears. But the bigger question is, do you think it’s time you done something for yourself? even if that six months amounts to nothing, you will always have that short holiday. And the time to yourself, doing something you love.

And whatever you decide. You will always have us crazies along with you that also have those nagging feelings that are rooting for you all the way <3
Good luck Autumn.

- victoria evenshart