Photo by melody.loves.you

I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself.

I need to get writing. I need to be actively planning the rewrite for my first Haven Bay story.  I planned to start writing next week. I started back into the writing course again and I need to do more, more, more to get caught up.

Problem is, it’s not working. I’m hitting resistance. I want to write less, not more. The Muse is not only sulking, she’s gone on strike.

I feel like I just need a rest at the moment. I’m tired and my health is suffering. I’ve worked extra hours at the Day Job. I’ve been able to reduce my hours down from full time, but it feels like I’m doing the same work just with less time to do it in. The pressure there is NOT going to turn off. I just got the brace off my injured foot so I can start walking again, and I catch  a bad cold. My mother-in-law is not going to magically get easier to deal with. I have a lot going on besides writing.

I’m always pushing to get more done, but maybe in fact what I need to do is slow down and try to do less. Maybe instead of putting  pressure and dates and deadlines on everything, I need to take it slower. Set fewer goals, not the constant more, more, more.

That’s a scary thought of course. I feel like if I take off the pressure I’ll turn into some sort of couch potato and just sit like a lump. I know I wouldn’t, but my internalised parent hates the idea. Muse/ Inner child just smiles and says “Ahhhhhhh.” She knows it’s what I want and need. Just a rest. A break from goals and pushing myself and working.

I do need to build a day off once a week into my schedule. A day to rest,a day to slow down, a day to goof off and do whatever I want. That could be my artist date day. I could spend it reading. I could go for a long walk. I could spend time in quiet contemplation. I could go dancing. I could try an art or craft activity I haven’t done before. I could go off with my camera looking for interesting angles. I could watch a movie. I could call a friend or my sister and not feel guilty about being on the phone for two hours. I could play with sewing something that might not work out. I could go on a date with my husband. I could try a new recipe.

Just a day where I don’t always need to be striving towards some goal. That’s what I need. And I’m doing it. I think I’ll be more productive for it eventually.

What can you do to take the pressure off today?