quitting the Day Job | Finding home, finding love - writing romance, making clothes, growing food, and growing up

January 29, 2013
by Autumn Macarthur 12 Comments

(Unofficially) I’m a full time writer!

Officially, I don’t finish at the Day Job until Friday. Unofficially, because they owed me leave, my last working day was the Friday before last, the 18th.

The first week off work had some unexpected challenges, like the snow! Yes, I did still get out in my writing shed and write, though I needed to rug up before going out there as if I was planning a trip to Antarctica, not the other side of the garden, and my little heater in there worked overtime.

I didn’t get as many words written as I would have liked, true. But that’s okay. I played with the idea of letting myself treat the two weeks until I officially left work as a holiday, no writing apart from Morning pages required. Instead, I decided to use it as “practice time”. No word count pressures, but time to get everything ready to start seriously writing on February 2nd. Time to make sure I got the shed all prepared and ready to go. Time to do some story planning. Time to practice and prepare for the real thing.

And that’s what I did.

I got the pieced blackout and insulating blind for the shed finished. It’s not perfect, but I like it, it gives exactly the look I wanted and cost next to nothing for materials (cute Cath Kidson style cotton tea towels from the Pound Shop, gingham from a 50p charity shop shirt and stripes from another, and the cheapest polka dot polycotton I could find on ebay).

I planned the rewrite of one story I wrote years ago and totally bungled at the time, wrote the first thousand words, and submitted them to the ITV/ Mills and Boon Racy Reads contest under my racier pseudonym Sienna Lachlan. I’ll have fun finishing rewriting that story some time!

I have several new ideas for novellas, but I’ve just written a few notes for those so far.

I have started setting up a whole new health related business, to keep my hand in at nursing too, but that can’t be allowed to take up more than one day a week.

Best of all, I started a new Haven Bay story, my series set in a small coastal town south of Sydney. I love it. My characters even have GMC for once! There’s lots of built in conflict and it’s obvious right from the start. I began this on Sunday and already have 6 k first drafted, and a bit of a plan for the next couple of chapters.

So my unofficial start at being a full time writer has started off pretty well. I still have the trainer wheels on, I’m still not as productive as I want to be when I really get going. But it’s a good beginning.

December 12, 2012
by Autumn Macarthur Leave a comment

Learning to live in the now

I woke to a world coated with ice crystals, crunching underfoot and glittering in the weak early morning sunlight. I don’t do cold well (I’m a Sydney girl, the British weather kills me!), but mornings like this it’s worth the three layers of thermal underwear under my jeans and jumper and the three pairs of socks inside my pretend Uggs.

I want to appreciate all that’s good about the UK while I’m still living here, try to experience some of the magical England I dreamed of back in Australia. Turns out, it’s harder to find than I thought. So easy to get caught up in work and socialising, and much of Britain is ugly suburbs and motorways. The magic places are still there, but you need to search them out, and I haven’t given myself the gift of time to do that. Too busy rushing from one thing to the next, focused on simply surviving and making money.

Now I’m quitting the Day Job, I want different priorities. Yes, I still need to earn money. Yes, I’ll probably have to work way harder than I am now to earn half as much (that’s how it was last time I worked for myself, running an internet used and rare bookshop). I’m okay with that. What I won’t have to do is live my life to someone else’s timetable, run to catch the train and catch the bus and walk to the office on time to spend all day running to keep up with tasks someone else decided they wanted from me. I’ll have to work hard, but I’ll be in control.

What I don’t want though is to make my new work, writing, as much a drudgery as my Day Job. I need to make sure I allow time for enjoying life. I need to make sure I appreciate the simple pleasures of my life.

I’ve lived most of my adult life on the “I’ll be happy when..” principle. I’ll be happy when I have my own house. I’ll be happy when someone loves me. I’ll be happy when I have a child. I’ll be happy when I’m in England (when I was in Australia). I’ll be happy when I can live in Australia again (not I’m in England!). I’ll be happy when I give up the Day Job and write.

Recognise a pattern there?

None of those goals are bad ones, but I won’t magically become happy then if I can’t find happiness now. Yes, my job is a PITA. Yes, it’s exhausting. Yes, it’s an energy drain and brain fryer of the highest order. It sucks in almost every way except for the pay packet. But the fact remains- if I can’t be happy now, I won’t be happy then.

So, this morning, a rare and precious day off in the week, instead of whingeing about the cold, I got up and dressed and went outside. Walked around the garden, marvelled at the ice, took photos.

I do want to be a fully time writer. I do want to live back in Australia one day. I have strong ideas what I want my life to be, the sort of place I want to live. I don’t have that now.

But what I have is still good. For now, I go to the Day Job, for seven more weeks. I write when I can. I live frugally but well. I take joy in all I have, in the frosty mornings and a warm bed to come back to and the crazy cats and a good man and my little writing shed. What’s meant for me will come to me, or I’ll come to it, all in time.

In the meanwhile, I’m here, living my life.

Having long term goals and working towards them is a great thing, and necessary if we’re not to just drift through life (not sure that’s a bad thing, sometimes, too!), as long as we don’t let not being there yet suck the joy out of the present moment. It’s easy to get so focused on what we want for the future we miss the small delights of life right now.

I want to find the simple joys in my life. I want to make the most of these last weeks at work, appreciate the gift of travelling into London each day, working with the people I work with. Once I’m done with the Day Job, I need to remember not to get too focused on making writing another job. Work-life balance is such a cliche, but so important.

I want to love writing again. I want to love my little house and garden. I want to love my husband and play with him like I used to, before I got so tired and so serious. And I want to make the most of being in the UK. See those places I want to see, experience the England I dreamed of back in Australia. Take time to sit and truly experience somewhere, not just tick the box and move on. There are special places very close to me I’ve never seen, only whizzed past the signpost in the car, on the way to somewhere else.

It’s time now to take the detour. Take the scenic route. Take the time to experience what is wonderful in life. This is a chance to live life to the full. Every moment is a new opportunity to experience living in the now, not in dreams and hopes of a different future.

I’ve never let myself do that before. It’s time to learn how.

December 5, 2012
by Autumn Macarthur 2 Comments

2013- the year of no more excuses not to write- starting NOW!

I’ve been thinking about goal setting for 2013.

Goals are tricky things. I’ve ended this year somewhere totally different to where I expected I’d be. I’ve been to Australia 3 times when I only planned to go once. I gave up on the idea of buying a rental property there to move into eventually. I’m writing very different stories to what I thought I’d be writing. The biggest unexpected change – I’ve done a 360 at work.

I’ve gone from thinking I couldn’t possibly leave and writing would need to fit in at the edges, to ready to resign, to accepting an offer of part-time work, to having that crash and burn after just five weeks due to staff shortages, to resigning again. That’s not going to change. From February 2013, I’ll be a full-time writer, with no household income apart from what I can earn writing. Given that my total earnings from writing so far are £150, that’ll be interesting!

But it’s an adventure I’m looking forward to. The time to do this is now. I’m in a position at last where I have the right balance of financial security and enthusiasm to make it work. My husband isn’t able to support me financially but he definitely supports me in making this change emotionally.

Staying too tightly focused on goals I decided in January wouldn’t have allowed for the changes in direction I’ve made this year. Because, crazymaking though it’s been, that rollercoaster ride has been a good one. I’m happy with the outcome. I’m not where I expected I’d be, but that’s okay. Other things happened that wouldn’t have happened if I’d stuck to Plan A.

I have to say, I set goals every year, and they never work out. Two years ago I did a course on goal setting and time management for writers. I loved it! The course got me all fired up and inspired. I had grand ambitious schemes, the year all planned out. Part of the course was making a detailed calendar with very specific goals for every month. Not just “Write at least 3o,000 words”, but “Write at least 30,ooo words on X story.” And the next month “Edit so many chapters of X story.” And the next month “Submit X story.” My plan looked wonderful. Needless to say, by late February the plan collapsed totally and never recovered. I ended up finishing and subbing NOTHING that year! I entered a chapter in New Voices, and that was it. A warning against overplanning!

So I’m not going to try to set those sorts of goals, tempting though it is to have everything so neatly planned out. That just makes me feel like a failure. On the other hand, I don’t want to drift aimlessly into the New Year, either! I do need some sort of structure or framework. I need goals, but loose flexible ones. Goals that allow for serendipity and surprises and life to get in the way. Plans, but ones I’m not married to.

Key goals for me must be finishing what I start, and discovering my best work patterns, the ones that help me be most productive and produce my best stuff. I need to develop good work habits, that suit MY way of writing and creating. What I do now is to intersperse bursts of hectic and intensely focused writing, my writeathons, where I do nothing BUT write, with long periods when not much happens. Now maybe of course, that is my best work pattern. Many very successful and productive full-time writers work that way. Or maybe that’s what’s been forced on me by circumstances. I really don’t know.

What I most want to aim for in 2013 is feeling good. Feeling creative. Creating every day in some way. Discovering my own rhythms and patterns when I don’t have to fit into anyone else’s idea of what I should do. When writing and sewing and everything else I want to do doesn’t have to fit in the gaps left at the edges. The truth is, I can’t set goals now, because I have no idea at all just how productive I can become when I don’t have a Day Job getting in the way!

I’ve just signed up for a Facebook group, committing to write 100k in 100 days. That sort of public commitment is good for me. It could be tough in January, when I’m still at the Day Job. It will get easier after that, when I’m writing full-time. But I can’t keep using the Day Job as an excuse. I need to write now, not put it off till I leave work.What excuse not to write will I find then? I have lots of other distractions buzzing around my head. A clothing business. Raw vegan recipes. Art journalling. Starting another blog. Learning cover design and marketing for when I self-publish. I need to get into good habits of productivity to deal with all those other things I want to do and not keep pushing writing to the sidelines.

100k in 100 days is a good idea, but it’s not enough. I need to start sooner. I need to start NOW.

The truth is, I already write 1k a day, if I count the things the “rules” of the challenge say I can. I’m not going to count those. I’m only going to count story words. And I’m not going to allow myself to jump from story to story to get my 100k. What’s most essential for me is finishing. 2013, above all, needs to be the Year of Following Through. The year of not just having ideas and starting things, but finishing then, seeing things to completion. The year of no excuses. The year of finding out if I really want to write, or just think about writing.

Bugger worrying about 2013 goals, I need to achieve one 2012 goal. I want to finish the first draft of the novella I’m working on by the end of December. And I’ll do it.

How about you? What 2012 goal you really really REALLY want to do have you still got time to squeeze in?

December 1, 2012
by Autumn Macarthur 7 Comments

One simple way to be happier and more productive

In Sydney a couple of weeks ago, we went up to the headland to watch the paragliders. Awesome. The thing that amazes me is how they take off. They let the wind fill their parachute, then literally step off the headland into the air. Terrifying yet exhilarating.

That’s just watching them. I can’t imagine how it feels to actually do it, to step off into nothing and have that trust and confidence that the air will hold you up.

Trust has been an issue for me this week. I’m quitting the Day Job in just nine weeks. In one way the idea is exhilarating. finally time for myself, time to write, time to sew, time to develop some ideas I’ve had for a while about home based ways of creating income. Terrifying, because we won’t have any household income unless I can get books published and sold, get those ideas up and running.

That fear made me start trying to push myself. Despite being jetlagged, and the added exhaustion from long busy days at the Day Job, I lectured myself about the need to do more. I have all these goals, and I needed do more more more if I was to achieve them. I was lazy, I needed to work harder or I’d fail, I told myself.

Problem is, that sort of fear based badgering never works. Not for me, and I doubt it does for anybody.

All it did was add to my stress and anxiety, made me less able to do anything productive, and took the joy out of anticipating Freedom Day, the day I set myself free to work at what I want to work at, not what my bosses throw at me.

When that day comes of course, I’ll end up working far harder than I ever did at the regular job. I was self-employed once before, for two lovely years after the seventh miscarriage, when I just couldn’t face looking after other people any more and sold books on the internet instead. I worked far longer hours, probably sixty hours most weeks, making less than the minimum wage, but I didn’t care. I did it more joyfully, because I was choosing what I did, and I loved the work. Laziness isn’t my problem.

On Wednesday I realised I needed a different approach, and something wonderful happened.

Instead of constantly telling myself I needed to do more, instead of making lists of what I should be doing, I took time in my Morning Pages to list what I did towards my goals the day before. Despite the crappy stress of the hamster wheel Day Job, despite the long commute, despite the exhaustion and the head cold, what baby steps had I made that day? I didn’t have to do anything, but what I did do would be recognised and acknowledged and celebrated.

Amazingly, not only did I find I’d done more than I thought, that simple act of appreciation of my tiny achievements somehow freed me to do even more over the past few days. The fear of failing lifted, and in its place came a sense of lightness, fun and a burst of creative thinking. I felt better, and I was doing better.

I wrote snippets of story on the commute, far better than what I’d written before. I had breakthroughs with plot and character niggles, things I knew weren’t right in the first draft. I had completely new ideas for the clothing business I plan to start, and began thinking bigger too. The fear I wasn’t doing enough shrank my world, felt heavy and oppressive, but my little bullet point lists of what I achieved the day before moved me into expansiveness and a huge sense of possibility.

Appreciation of myself, not nagging myself.

I think I now understand more of how the idea of goallessness works. It’s not that there’s really no goals at all, it’s that the goals are approached in a different way. There’s a kind of zen in it. Things get done effortlessly, without pushing.

I hope I can keep going like this. It’s very freeing and light. My muse likes it. She does NOT respond well to being nagged and badgered and told what she “should” be doing. She does respond to freedom, to bein g told she doesn’t need to do anything, but being recognised and rewarded when she does.

The easy simple act of writing down what I’ve done the day before, rather than setting goals and to-do lists for the day ahead like I usually do, seems to have created a huge shift.

It’s working for me. It might work for you too I’d be very interested to hear what happens if you try it!

November 24, 2012
by Autumn Macarthur 6 Comments

Realistic goal setting, no goal setting, or is unrealistic goal setting even better?

I’m not getting any writing done, and I nag myself about it.

Or more correctly, my Internal Critic nags me. He keeps telling me I should be doing more. How can I expect to make a success of being a full time writer if I’m not writing now? I should be setting goals and deadlines. I should be making myself write, even if I’m stressed, even if I’m exhausted. He’s quite right about one thing, the stress won’t go away after I leave the Day Job, it’ll just be different stress.

2012 has not been one of my best years for writing. I completed and submitted (and had rejected) two stories, mid-length novellas. I did some planning for and started and haven’t finished at least four others, ranging from a few thousand words to over ten thousand words into the story. I worked on a few unfinished stories from previous years, but again finished none of them.

Okay, so it was better than last year! Last year I set massive goals, had a whole calendar planned for what I would be writing, and it fell apart by February. So this year I set no real goals, no deadlines. But this was supposed to be the year of completing stories, not the year of once again starting far more than I saw through to The End.

Once again, I feel like I’ve failed to do what I set out to do.

I don’t know what’s better, no goals at all, or setting spectacular goals. I read different points of view. I’ve done courses that were totally focused on goal setting. I’m scared if I don’t have goals and deadlines I’ll just drift. But when I set goals I don’t reach them and I beat myself up over it.

I read this today on Zoe Winter’s blog- she missed her writing goal two years running, and plans to do it differently in 2013-

I think some people would set a lower goal, but the problem isn’t that it’s too much for me to handle, the problem is that it isn’t actionable in a way a good goal should be.

Also, something I’ve learned about myself is… bigger goals net bigger results. Even if I don’t reach the goal… I still get good results because I’m working for something big.

So next year, counter-intuitively, I’m setting a larger goal, but it’s the structure of the goal that I think will help me get at LEAST to the 365k I’ve been trying to hit and failing to hit for two years now.

My new goal is going to be: 10k for 52. That’s 10,000 words a week for the year. I’m going to track this in a few different ways so I know how much my weekly totals are each week (as well as daily totals in each week) and I know when I wrote and when I didn’t write.

So even though half a million words sounds insane, especially considering my last two years… I really think I can do it with a new mentality and structure to my goals as well as a monthly rewards system. Another thing: since I’m writing SO many words, there is a lot of pressure off me. With that much word count I can afford to write creative things I will never publish, stuff that’s just for fun. I can afford to experiment with other genres without pressure to release it into the world if I don’t like the result. It gives me the space to play.

Having that space to play gives me no excuses. Current book not working? Set it aside and write something just for me while that book percolates some more. The thing that makes writing “difficult” is the pressure to not screw up something my audience is going to be reading.

If everything I write is not intended for public consumption, I’m more likely to write more. Just staying in that habit will make it easier to write the stuff on the publication schedule. And who knows? I might create something offbeat that I love and want to share that people end up loving. But no pressure.

I like that idea. The idea of setting high goals but still being able to play with writing. I’d been thinking maybe 10k a week was a good goal for me too, once I’m writing full time. I don’t plan to write every day, but to do want to write (and I mean write, not blog or social media or read about writing or any of the other almost-but-not-quite-writing stuff I do) at least twenty hours a week. The only problem I see with setting word count goals is how to measure progress when I’m editing, where word count might go backwards yet I’ve written a couple of thousand new words in there. That’s where those finishing goals have to come into it too.

So, I could set myself a high word count goal like that. Or I could set a goal for so many stories completed and either subbed or self-published in 2013. Or I could try the goal-less route.

Like Cathy Yardley did for 2012-

Screw goals.

I’m not planning goals in the traditional way this coming year. No benchmarks. No milestones. No action plan.

Instead, I’m looking at what I want to feel like. I don’t want to be stressed the way I have been. I’m not going to be desperate. Why?

Because I know the damned thing works out.

Different approach to goal-setting, huh?

I can embrace that. Especially the bit about not allowing herself to feel stressed and desperate. For me, that stress and desperation has been what 2012′s been all about. It’s why I’m quitting the Day Job. It’s surely not what I want for 2013. The difference is though, Cathy is an established author and writing teacher. And she already had externally set goals for the year, courses she’d contacted to teach, books she’d contracted to submit. It’s not quite being goal-less, it’s about taking a different approach to goals.

I do want goals, but I want them to be goals I can meet. Goals that work for me. Goals that forward my writing career. Goals that won’t just cause more stress and make me feel a failure.

Shannon McKelden blogged about goal setting, her response to discussing it with Cathy and other writer buddies-

“I don’t want to make goals this year. I want to decide how I want to FEEL this year and figure out how to do that.”

Whoa.

It hit me that that is EXACTLY what I need! I could set all kinds of goals…write a book this year, find an agent, write X number of posts a month…and none of those goals would matter, even if I met them, if I didn’t have fun while doing it.

Before this whole conversation, I already knew I wanted 2012 to be the Year of Creativity for me. But this conversation made me realize WHY I want that. I want the Year of Creativity to bring back the FUN of writing for me. I want to look forward to sitting down and writing. I want to think about my characters and puzzle out their stories and think outside the plot box. I want to smile with delight when I talk about writing again. I want to read books that make me smile and want to play with MY words and my worlds.

I foresee one major benefit to this. I’ll WANT to write. Which will mean I’ll write more. So my creativity will affect my productivity. Which will, in turn, make me smile more and have more fun. It’s a win-win situation, all with NO goals, except to write and fall in love with it again.

If we’re not having fun, all the goals in the world aren’t going to make it fun.

That’s what I want to feel at the end of 2013. I want to feel that I’ve achieved something, yes. I want to have some income coming in from my writing (I have to, or it’s back to a Real Job). But most of all, I want to have loved what I did in the year. I want to have enjoyed the process of creating, of bringing characters to life and telling their stories. No point quitting a drudgery of a Day Job and making writing drudgery instead!

So I’m kind of back where I started. I need goals. But the goals need to be as much about attitude and me as what I’m achieving externally. How I feel about what I’m doing is just as important as what I’m actually doing. That’s the reason I’m doing this. That’s what really counts. Not how many books I publish and what their Amazon rank is and how many reviews they get. But how much I’ve enjoyed the process.

The journey is a goal, just as much as the destination.

November 22, 2012
by Autumn Macarthur 1 Comment

If you are feeling stuck and miserable as an artist or writer or in any creative work

Image created by Keri Smith

I’ve been away from the blog, away from my own creative self too long. Flailing around, not knowing what to do next, overwhelmed by all the options, all the unfinished stories, and stressed mindless by the Day Job.

I’m just back from two weeks in Australia, visiting family (not easy, as my aging parents have retreated into their own little world where visits feel like intrusions, but satisfying the need in me to stay connected), camping out at a lovely beachside site, and recharging my spirit. I don’t want to lose that now I’m back in the Real World.

I’m not sure now what my real world is. The Day Job ends in ten weeks. For that ten weeks, my life still revolves around it’s demands, but after that, I’m free. Free to create, free to set my own agenda, free to do what I want.

Totally, terrifyingly free.

I’ve never given myself that sort of freedom before, and the prospect of it is both exhilarating and scaring me spitless. Like a mountain climb, like a skydive, like the scariest ride at the adventure park. I’m trying to focus on the positives of it, all the options not having a job open up for me, all that glorious time to create, but it’s important I acknowledge the fear too.

The fear of failing. So many ways to fail. The fear of not having the excuse of the Day Job any more, that time and mind suck, yet still failing to create. The fear of putting my stuff out there and it being ridiculed, or maybe worse, simply ignored. The fear of making this big bold statement, I am an artist, I am a writer, and not doing it. The fear of not making any money, of having to go back to being sensible and having a “Real Job”.

Because I won’t really be free. I have enough money to play with to live frugally for about six months before I start getting twitched about finances. And I’m not creating at all now. Not at all. I do my Morning pages daily, I sew something now and then, I play with ideas, I’ve made a few new recipes, but I’m not doing the work I want to be doing.

I’m feeling paralysed by options. Too many ideas. Too much I want to be doing. I can’t decide what to do. I want to write wild, not safe. But safety lures me. I feel unsafe. I dreamed last night that my husband and I were on a plane on fire. We knew the plane was on fire, but we just sat there, chatting to other people. Meanwhile, my Muse sped off in a hotted up ute with flames spewing from the tail, the flames that started the fire.

No idea what that means, just that it’s relevant.

I found the wise and fabulous Keri Smith’s blog today. How to Feel Miserable as an Artist is from her Artist’s Survival Kit. There are other wonderful things there! I liked the Create Your Own Award card, and especially the Permission to Make Mistakes card. Take a look.

My problem, the thing that’s paralysing me and stopping me from creating, is my expectations. All those “shoulds” of mine. I should be writing. Not only should I be writing, I should be writing 10,000 words a week. Okay, I’m not quite crazy enough to expect that of myself now, that’s for when I quit the Day Job, and should be totally achievable (though that “should” in there is worrying). I should be blogging more, and doing social media. I should be sewing, working on prototypes for the line of lagenlook clothing I want to sell someday. And not only should I be doing it, I should be doing it perfectly. I should have an ebook ready to release before I finish the Day Job. I should start making money straight away. I should do it all by myself and right first time.

No wonder I feel stuck, unable to choose what to work on, like I just need to sit in a corner and rock and chant quietly to myself!

Here’s Keri’s Permission to Make Mistakes card. I’m printing it out and filling it in now. If you’re feeling stuck and overwhelmed in your creative life, maybe you could give yourself permission to make mistakes too?

October 13, 2012
by Autumn Macarthur Leave a comment

Simplifying my life

Quitting the Day Job to write has opened up a whole lot of other issues.

I know I’ve made the right decision in resigning. This feels right. This makes my inner child happy, while also satisfying my inner parent. Yay adult me for finding the right compromise!

But my life needs to change, in big and small ways.

I need to get writing and to get in as strong a position as I can financially. I’m embracing the possibility of working extra hours while I am still at the Day Job, to top up the bank balance ready for the time I have no income. We need to live as simply and frugally as possible. This week, I already sold my car and the spare mobile phone. I’ll be selling more stuff on eBay. I also gave twelve bags of clothing and bits and pieces to charity.

A big change to make is curbing my spending. I don’t think I’m extravagant, but I still spend way more than I need to. I’ll go back to the spending diet, keeping track of everything I spend and limiting my Material Girl to £10 a week.

Now, when the shopping urge hits, I have two choices- spend a small amount from my ten pounds a week, or “shop” my remake bags or fabric stash and create something new. I have enough fabric and fifty p items there to last ages, honestly. When I want to buy junk food or drink, I just don’t! Instead, I need to ask what it is that my inner child is really looking for. Comfort. Love. Release from stress. Even the thirty nine pence for two liter bottle of supermarket own brand diet cola musn’t be a regular purchase.

I’m getting better at letting go of stuff. I need to develop this mindset- hold on to what is worth holding, let go of what isn’t. So I hold on to my writing and my relationship with my husband, I let go of my job and any things that don’t add value to my life.

I get focus back on what is important. My home and garden. My health. My marriage and other relationships. My creativity. My writing.

The things that matter to me.

I shouldn’t have anything I don’t truly love or use in my life. No more hanging on to stuff for the sake of hanging on to it. I can let go, easily. I can have just what is needed. I can live joyfully and simply. It will be better. It will help me be more focused and centred. I’ve been scattered. Way too scattered. My energy has being pulled in a million different directions. That’s already starting to change.

Things that are important-

Writing
Creativity
My husband
My family
The mother-in-law and supporting her- the reason we are still in this country
My home
My garden
Eating well
Staying healthy
Financial security
Hopes for the future
Going to Australia at least once a year
Taking care of our animals
Spiritual connection

That’s probably about it!

So that’s an easy list. And I don’t see having a Day Job anywhere there, except as a route to financial security. And I never wanted financial security for it’s own sake. It ties in to my hopes for the future, with wanting to eventually move back to Australia.

Oddly enough, the desire for a house in Australia right now, not when we actually move there but NOW, this minute, even better yesterday, has subsided. The solution came from a surprising source.

Instead of hiring an expensive and never-quite-right-for-us campervan this holiday, as we have for the past few years (less emotional wear-and-tear all round if we don’t stay with my parents) I bought a tent instead. Cheap because it’s coming into colder weather now, and more comfortable and roomy than the van. It can be left at my parent’s place and reused every time we go to Australia.

Simply having a tent and a few other bits and pieces left behind satisfies my urge to have something there, a foot hold in Australia. I thought it needed to be a house or at least a block of land. Then when that didn’t happen I thought a campervan, that I could leave at my sister’s place. But this will do it just as well. A tent. Under two hundred pounds worth of camping gear. No further outlay required, unlike a house or a van.

It’s enough.

A lovely lesson in finding what enough is. It’s often smaller and simpler than we think.

October 1, 2012
by Autumn Macarthur 2 Comments

Quitting the Day Job to write, again. This time I mean it!

So, I took the day off yesterday. Did a lot of things. What I didn’t do was write. So today, I should.

But my Muse still isn’t happy. She’s refusing to play. She’s not just having a sulk for the sake of it. She wants more. She’s trying to tell me that something is wrong in my life.

When I ask her, she says “You promised I wouldn’t have to go to work in the cold this winter.” She’s quite right to get angry with me over that one. I did, too, back in April when I made plans to quit the Day Job. That all changed.

The Muse has been sulking since I went to work on Thursday. It was cold on the station. It was cold on the train. It was cold on the bus. The only place it wasn’t cold was the stuffy and over-heated office. But no-one there is happy. I didn’t get a minute to think a thought of my own all day.

I’m not sure what my answer to the Muse should be. To apologise? Tell her I hoped we’d be able to do that but I got it wrong? Tell her maybe next year?

She’s not buying it. Any of it. She wants me to resign from the Day Job. Now! NOW! With a foot stamp and a pushed out lower lip and that mutinous expression that promises a full blown tantrum and no writing, ever.

I don’t know how to deal with this.

I didn’t expect I’d be back again so soon to the question of whether I should quit my Day Job.

I will eventually, it’s just a matter of when. Earlier this year I was ready to leave, commit to writing full-time for as long as I could afford it. I had a leave date set of mid- September. Then my manager offered me half-time work. The plan changed. The work-life balance should have been ideal. I could write full-time, go to the Day Job two days a week, instead of the other way around.

Sounds great in theory, and for about five weeks, it was. I loved it! I became so much more productive. My energy levels and happiness soared. I could stay doing that until we’re ready to move to Australia. We’d be in such a strong financial position. I could have it all. The perfect solution.

Then it went wrong.

A colleague left, and we all need to work extra hours to cover. They can’t find anyone to replace her. My manager has changed, and the new guy is a no-stopping-him change agent with a touch of ADHD. Time to write is becoming harder and harder to create. I’m tired. I’m sad. My Muse won’t write, she just pouts and says “Not fair, you lied to me.”

My “perfect solution” has disappeared and won’t come back.

I want to quit now too, not just my Muse. It’s the inner parent telling me to stay. Telling me not to let my colleagues down, when things are already so tough there. Telling me I’m crazy to throw away such a good, well paid job. Telling me we need the money. Telling me resigning is a financially ridiculous decision.

It’s correct on all counts.

The thing my inner parent doesn’t take into account is how much of my unpaid personal time the Day Job eats up. Not just the commute time, but needing to prepare food to take to work with me, and needing to have work clothes clean and ready to wear, and most of all use of prime real estate in my brain. I spend way too much time chewing over work problems, time that could be used to chew over writing problems instead!

Of course, if I do resign, the terror will kick in. The terror of having no income. The knowledge that living off our savings means the only house I can afford in Australia will be the one in the photo. The pressure to earn money from writing, ASAP, which might push me to damage my career by putting stuff out there before it’s ready.

But what’s happening in my workplace isn’t what I signed up for when I agreed to stay on part-time instead of resigning.

The decision I have to make is – which one of those options can I live with best? Which one will let me write the most and work towards my goals the most? Which one is sustainable and not soul-destroying? Which is the real suicide?

Well, I know the answer.

My question isn’t should I resign? That’s a given. It’s when should I resign? Can I hang in there another few months to let things stabilise in the workplace and give them more chance to find a replacement, or do I need to leave ASAP?

I’m inclined to resign now, today, and give them until January 15^th (or whatever that middle Monday in January is) or until they fill my position, whichever comes sooner.

That’s scary. But it feels the best decision. I hope my Muse is happy with that. I hope the inner parent is too. Now maybe they’ll start co-operating and let me write!

September 26, 2012
by Autumn Macarthur 8 Comments

Self publishing – why?

Photo by tEdits

I’m becoming increasingly committed to the idea of self-publishing my stories.

Not because I have anything against the publishers. I don’t. I know some self-publishers treat the mainstream publishing houses as the enemy. Not me.

I’m seeing many writers I know who’ve been working on their writing for about the same length of time as me (though probably working a lot harder than I have!) getting accepted at major romance publishers. I love sharing the excitement of their Call Stories and seeing their books on the shelf in shiny pretty covers. At one time, my biggest writing goal was to be published there too.

But it’s unlikely my stories will be accepted by a traditional publisher or a bigger e-publisher. They just don’t fit. Too long, too short, too sweet, too sexy, wrong country, hero not rich enough, pace not fast enough. I don’t naturally write stories that work for any of the publishers’ lines, and when I try the stories are unnatural and stilted. I twist them so much to fit what’s needed, and my writing isn’t authentic. Or even readable, at times, like my last story I mangled so badly to fit word count!

It would be lovely to get The Call, but I’m not sure keeping on trying will be worth it for me.

On the self-publishing side, there are the huge massively publicised success stories like John Locke (despite the recent controversy, he DID sell a lot of books to a lot of readers who love him – but this in no way condones faking reviews!), Amanda Hocking, and Fifty Shades. Plus, in romance, multiple NYT bestseller Bella Andre. There are also many, many poor quality self-published books which are unlikely to sell more than a handful of copies. Some are so bad the writers have trouble getting readers to take a free copy, the blurbs are warning enough (dear God, don’t let my books be in that category!) .

We hear less about the quietly successful self-publishers. The writers who keep steadily writing and releasing books and build up a readership over time. The writers who happily quit their Day Jobs thanks to self-publishing stories that have a reader base, but may not sell enough to attract a print publisher. These are the voices I want to listen to, and I want to track down. I’ve read and enjoyed many self-published books. Now I want to find the forums where the successful self-published writers hang out.

We need to each decide what “success” as a writer means for us. Is it a traditional contract? Is it ten five star reviews on Amazon? Is it selling so many thousand books? Is it being able to quit the Day Job? Is it getting emails from readers who loved our story?

If a writer really and truly knows only that traditional contract will do it for her, that’s where her efforts need to focus. But a good story well self-published can potentially achieve all the rest.

I need to earn some income from writing, AND I want as many happy readers as I can. Getting published traditionally is less important to me if I can have those two things. I’m thinking more and more lately that self-publishing may be right for me. Not as a way to get a traditional publishing contract, but as a end in itself.

The thought of being completely responsible for all aspects of the finished product is massively scary but also exhilarating. I’m 99% sure that’s where I’m headed.

I read articles like this report on self- publishing from the Romance Writers of America conference Published Author’s Network keynote speech. I feel like I might have a chance. Then I reality check myself by remembering that over half of self-published authors don’t even make $500 a year from their writing. Actually, the comments section of that Guardian article was more interesting than the article, despite the inevitable descent into arguments between commenters. And it appears the survet may not be that valid, according to Kristine Kathryn Rusch, though whether that means the average self-published writer earns more or less I’m not sure!

Anyway, I’m considering (again!) quitting the Day Job. The part time hours aren’t working out, it seems I have the same amount of work to do in half the time, and I’m increasingly unhappy there. The idea of not having any income is scary. But we can manage easily without digging too deep into savings, with a little frugality. I’m tired. I want a break. I want to be able to focus on writing. My job seems to eat half my brain even when I’m not at work. Life’s too short for this crap.

I also feel I need to spend more time with the mother-in-law. I cope with her better than my husband.

That’s the reason I’ll give my manager, anyway, if I do decide to resign!

July 28, 2012
by Autumn Macarthur 8 Comments

A fab article on romance writing – and Little Yellow Writing Shed progress

One of my critique partners, fab rural romance writer Rachael Johns, published by Carina Press and Harlequin Australia is featured in an article in a major Australia newspaper! That’s her in the pink. You can read “Romance writers share love of success” here. I’m looking forward to being able to buy Rach’s book when I’m next in Australia. I just missed out last time, going a few weeks before her release date, and I really want to read it!

I worked three days at the Day Job last week, but the bonus is I now have four days off, work one, and have another four off. That’s a work schedule I can live with.

So today, I’m back working on the Little Yellow Writing Shed. The current job is lining the inside with foil and foil taping the joins. Fiddly. It took a while to find the best way to do it, and the cheap crappy staple gun I bought caused a lot of swearing, but once I worked a system out I got in a good flow with it. I’m being meticulous about it, excessively meticulous, some might say. No one will ever see the interior work I’ve done so far, as it will all be hidden away. But it’s worth the effort. I hope so, anyway. I want the shed to be comfortable in winter without needing a huge energy input to keep warm. Insulation and gap sealing is essential. I think there’s still a day and a half’s work to get it done. Then I can start on the finishing work, the bits that will actually show – the tented ceiling, and the timber lined walls. That’s when it starts to get a lot more exciting!

I really want to get the guttering up and the water tank in place, but the outside needs painting first. My lovely husband is doing that for me, but veeeeeeery slowly! Poor man has a chronic connective tissue disorder and he’s in a flare up. Anyway, it hasn’t rained again, so no rush.

Lots of writing ideas popping up while I’m doing relatively no-brainer building tasks. I love the process, those little bubbles that pop on the surface, deciding if that’s something I want to play with or not. There are a couple of things in today’s batch of ideas I can really have fun with!

I had a great haul on the 50p rack at the charity shop today too. A big pile of stuff for just seven quid! My favourite is a top that’s way too big for me, but in fabric I adore. I’ll have a go at fixing it to fit. I’m thinking I’ll try some shirring, in places on clothes that aren’t usually shirred! If it works, I’ll do a post on it.

I’m planning a blog overhaul. Possibly a different WordPress theme, so it may look different. Adding more new pages. Mainly, adding some different content. I want to post more regularly, and mix in some new stuff. Like photos of my thrifted buys. Raw vegan recipes. How-I-done-it sewing posts, mostly refashioning those thrifted clothes. Still lots of writing, because that’s my number one thing. But more of the other things I love, too.

If it makes me either smile or swear, it’s probably worth blogging about!

Finding home, finding love – writing romance, making clothes, growing food, and growing up

Adventures in living an authentic creative life

Tag Archives: quitting the Day Job